A blog about stuff white people don't like

Because white people dislike a lot more stuff than they like.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Exclusion

White people don't like being left out. No one likes being excluded but white people especially don't like it because they are not used to it. White people have always been included in everything (except slavery) and it disturbs them when they feel like they are missing out on something.

In order to preempt any feelings of exclusion, white people go to great lengths to be a part of everything they can find: neighborhood associations, political groups, animal rights organizations, booster clubs, parent-teacher groups, book clubs, country clubs etc. White people are game for anything that entitles them to a card certifying their membership and requires them to pay dues.

In addition to pointless memberships, white people are also known to employ a less difficult, but just as effective, tactic for avoiding exclusion: gossipping about the people around them. Never underestimate the power that this behavior can provide. It serves two functions: one, it includes them in "the loop" of people who know the information and two, it provides them with firepower if they ever need to launch a quick counter-offensive against someone who is attempting to exclude them.

Example:
"Sorry Sharon, I wish you could go to lunch with us but its just the people from acccounting that are going."
"Oh ok John. Hey, I just heard you have a nasty case of IBS. I'll ask around the building while you're gone to see if anyone knows a good doctor."
"You know what Sharon, just come with us".

4 comments:

Sir Thom said...

Hmmm. The stuff white people like blog describes me in a lot of ways and I decided to check this one out.
The exclusion one I don't think applies to me. Nobody likes sunburn but I always try to use high SPF sunscreen. I do take a prescription which I need to function. As for Church's Chicken, before I went vegetarian when I was venturing through a neigborhood where there was such an establishment I ate there and found the food quite tastey, and kept an eye open for them in the future.

Homage said...

You are just going overboard with the quadruple negatives because you are not Stuff White People Like. White people don't like not being included and white people don't not like prescription drugs?? Yeesh.

Good work nailing their tone though, I guess.

Candy Cook said...

Some white people were included in slavery. The British sold Irish folks as slaves. Unless, Irish folks don't count as white people. I dunno, if you left it up to the British they would probably agree that Irish folks might be white.. but they don't fit in the people category hahaha.

RedDwarfFan99 said...

Many European whites were taken as slaves by North African pirates, mainly off the Italian and slavic coasts - from Wikipedia:

"Reports of Barbary raids and kidnappings of those in Italy, Spain, Portugal, England, Ireland, Scotland as far north as Iceland exist from between the 16th to the 19th centuries. It is estimated that between 1 million and 1.25 million Europeans were captured by pirates and sold as slaves during this time period."